Dear Whoever Has Ever Been Forced To Read A Book On Greek Mythology,                     August 19th, 2012

If you have been forced into reading a whole freaking book on Greek mythology, you’ll understand me when I’m not the least bit joking when I say I will never ever read that book again. I read Percy Jackson and The Olympians: The Lightening Thief right before and let me tell you, what a let down after reading Rick Riordan for the first time.

And if you have been forced into reading a dry, yet informative, Greek mythology book as I have been so recently, you will understand my confusion about why in every single myth I picked randomly out of the book, that someone’s kid ends up getting cut up and made into soup and fed to somebody else. Why?! Maybe the universe is trying to tell me something, or maybe it’s my own sick self-conscious here. I don’t know, but one thing I do know is, I would have never had kids back in those days.

Oh and the other thing I don’t understand about Greek mythology, when it explains all the gods and goddesses and how they are related and stuff it’s like this god is married to this goddess, who is also his sister, and they had a son who was rumored to be this god’s cousin who was married to that goddess and they had this many kids with different people, and  on and on and on. And I get that a lot of people did that back then, even in monarchy days, people married family to keep the bloodline pure, and going, and keep the power within the family and all that, but geez, the gods were like a box full of hamsters. They just never ever ever stopped.

One more last thing on this subject, why in all the god’s bios are contradicting, I mean I get that some people are gonna hate you and some are going to love you, and it depends on how you treat different people and all that. But in the book it was like this:

god #1:

This god was known for blessing humans with water. He was loving and very nice to everybody. He’s also credited for giving man the horse. He is loyal to everyone and had a ton of kids with his one wife.

However, it is also to be said that he is an adulterous, hating, bastard who wanted to wipe out the human race and replace them all with demi gods.

god #2:

This god was known for being responsible for all harvest, crop growing, and in general, blessing the earth. Along with the earth, man too was blessed by them. He showed man how to plant corn during the dark days when people were dying without food. He watched over all crops and ensured their growth. He was very close to man because of this. He was very giving, generous, sweet, and kind.

However some of the histories say that they burned all the crops of the earth after their child was born dead, therefore inducing a worldwide famine. They got very pissed at the human race out of nowhere and decided to bring disease to the land killing off the animals and furthering the famine. This god was feared even after one of the other gods intervened. Nobody ever skipped prayer again. Not for anything.

Don’t take this the wrong way like I’m poking fun at Greek myths, stories, or culture. I’m not. I think it plays a very important role in our Western culture and civilization. I’m just saying the stories repeated and contradicted to me and I frankly, found them very useful yet boring. Kind of like how most people find instruction manuals.

The Zues Family Tree

I really hope you enjoyed this post. I’m sorry if you found it really lame, I tried. I tried to be funny so hopefully I got one of you to chuckle or at least grin a bit. Anywho, BE WARNED: do not piss off the deities or else you will end up a)being chopped to bits, b)fed to somebody in a soup, or c)dying of a mysterious famine that came out of nowhere.

                                                                                                                                                -remember I warned you, eshy,